You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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