I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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