I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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