I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
