thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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