its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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