So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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