Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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