Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
