it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
