the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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