i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
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The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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