i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
