I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
