She is in my trunk
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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