Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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