It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
