So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My breasts were aching with rage.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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