Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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