You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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