if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
