she looked like the bat from fern gully.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
