Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize