Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
