do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
