Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
