I seem to have left my pride at pride
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
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I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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