Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
