If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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