I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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