Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
