I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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