im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
