Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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