I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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