She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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