Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
tell me about the fingering
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