I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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