I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
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I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
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I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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