smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he fucked my hip out of place.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
