the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
