So drunk its hurt
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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