I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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