mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
