guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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