Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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