Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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