...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
