you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
