my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
