Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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