Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
