By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
