Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
