just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She has the best kind of daddy issues
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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