If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
