i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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