I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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