Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
