im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
