cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
