You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
