3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Welp...herpes.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
