I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
