Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
